"Honey, we can have snack together, but Mommy has an appointment. You two are going to have such a good time! Now hop in your stroller and Nanny will give you snack."

As we approach the playground he and I both listen attentively to the long list of Grayer's Likes and Dislikes: "He loves the slide, but the monkey bars bore him. Don't let him pick anything up off the ground-he likes to do that. And please keep him away from the drinking fountain by the clock."

"Urn, what should I do if he needs to use the bathroom? Where should he go?" I ask as we pass under the dusty wooden arches of the Sixty-sixth Street playground.

"Oh, anywhere."

I'm just about to ask for a little clarification on the peeing thing when her cell phone rings.

"Okay, Mommy's gotta go," she says, snapping her Startac closed. Her departure is like the suicide drills from gym class-every time she gets just a few feet farther away, Grayer cries and she scurries back, admonishing, "Now, let's be a big boy." Only once Grayer is in complete hysterics does she look at her watch and with a "Now Mommy's going to be late" is gone.

We sit on the only empty bench in the shade, while he sniffles, and eat our sandwiches, which have some sort of vegetable spread in them and, I think, unbologna. As he raises his sleeve to wipe his nose I notice for the first time, dangling from beneath his untucked shirttails, what appears to be a business card pinned to his belt loop.

I reach out. "Grayer, what's with the-"

"Hey!" He swats my hand away. "That's my card." It's dirty and bent and has clearly been around the block a few times, but I think I can make out Mr. X's name in faded type.

"Whose card is that, Grayer?"

"You know." He pounds his forehead, exasperated by my ignorance. "My card. Jeez. Push me on the swings!"

By the time we're done eating and I've given him a few pushes it's time for us to walk over to his play date. I wave as he runs into the apartment. "Okay, bye, Grayer! See you tomorrow!" He screeches to a halt, turns around, sticks his tongue out at me and then runs off. "Okay, have fun!" I smile at the other nanny as if to say "Oh, that? That's just our tongue game!"

Once I'm on the subway to school I pull out the blue folder, which has my pay envelope paper-clipped inside.

MRS. X
721 PARK AVENUE, APT. 9B
NEW YORK, N.Y., 10021

Dear Nanny,
Welcome!  The attached is a copy of Grayer's schedule of after-school activities.  Caitlin will show you the routine, but I'm sure you've been to most of these places before!  Let me know if you have any questions.

Thanks, Mrs. X
p.s. - I've also included a list of some possible fun activities
p.p.s. I really prefer it if Grayer doesn't nap in the afternoons

I glance at the schedule and she's right-I'm a veteran of every activity on the list.

MONDAY

2-2:45: Music lesson, Diller Quaile, 95th Street between Park and Madison (Parents pay an astronomical sum for this prestigious music school where four'jear'olds usually sit in stone-cold silence as their caregivers sing nursery rhymes in a circle.)

5-5:45: Mommy & Me, 92nd Street Y on Lexington

(As the name implies, mothers are expected to go. Nevertheless, half of the group is nannies.)

TUESDAY

4-5:00: Swimming lesson at Asphalt Green, 90th Street and East End Avenue (One emaciated woman in a Chanel swimsuit and five nannies in muumuus all pleading with toddlers to "Get in the water!")

WEDNESDAY

2-3:00: Physical education at CATS, Park Avenue at 64th Street

(Deep in the bowels of a cold, dank church that smells like feet, thoroughly choreographed games for the pint-sized athlete.)

5-5:45: Karate, 92nd Street Y on Lexington

(Kids who quake with fear do fifty push-ups on their knuckles as a warm-up.The one class daddies attend.)

THURSDAY

2-2:45: Piano lesson at home with Ms. Schrade ("Music" to be tortured by.)

5-6:00: French Class, Alliance Francaise, 60th Street between Madison and Park

(Standard afterschool activities conducted in another language.)

 FRIDAY

1-1:40: Ice skating, The Ice Studio, Lexington between 73rd and 74th Street (Cold as fuck-and damp. Struggle through a thirty-minute "Change of Terror," sharp metal blades flying everywhere, so children can get on ice for forty minutes and come back out to change again.)

I will let you know when he is scheduled for the:

Optician

Orthodontist

Orthodic fittings

Physical therapist

Ayurvedic practitioner

In the event of a class cancellation the following "nonstructured" outings are

permissible:

The F

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